Welcome back for faith walk friday #3. If you don't already, I encourage you to come back after a day or two and read the comments. I am always blessed and encouraged by what you share.
I hate to admit it but I've had to work myself up to this particular faith walk subject. God knew I would need a fresh testimony to share, so he gave me a couple of challenges to walk through this week just in case I was thinking of soft peddling this one. No such luck, so here goes...
on being married - I reread what I wrote on this particular subject in my first faith walk friday post and the comments that went with it. I have been married for twenty eight years and can honestly say that I still love my husband dearly (in fact, in many ways more that ever) and I believe with all my heart that he still loves me. My biggest fear at this point in our marriage is that we (I) don't give our marriage the proper attention that it needs and deserves. In the same way that my quiet time strengthens my relationship with Jesus, quiet time with my husband strengthens our bond. With all the busyness of life, alone time can easily (and often,) get pushed to the back burner.
Case in point...
On any given weekday I come home from work to the dog barking loudly enthusiastically at my return, my three year old grandson ready for a hug and some grandma time, my husband transitioning from time at home to work time (he works nights) and the daily need to put a somewhat healthy dinner on the table. The first two happen by demand (theirs not mine) and the last is pretty much automatic pilot but the middle, my husband. can easily be overlooked and then before I know it he is gathering his things and heading out the door.
This week, after a heated discussion, (yes, we have those) he asked me where he ranked?
Ouch...my first response was to put on my Martyr's Mask (laced with a little indignant anger just for good measure) and rattle off a list of excuses. After he left for work and the house was quiet, God reminded me that my husband's place is just below Him...not after my grandson, or the dog or dinner. What does it say to him about our marriage that I give my most precious commodity, my time, to others before him?
What would it say to me?
I would be hurt and discouraged and would probably conclude that my spouse didn't need or appreciate me. The thought of him feeling this way both saddens and terrifies me. Saddens me because this is the farthest thing from the truth and terrifies me because I know my husband is a good man, one that any number of women would certainly make time for.
I can make lots of good excuses as to why my priorities are as they are and they might be justified as an exception but there is absolutely no reason for them to be the rule. I am a creative person who makes time for lots of extra curricular activities, I should be able to creatively juggle my schedule to make time to give the most important person in my life my full attention for a few moments when I get home from work. I could crate the dog, have my daughter keep my grandson upstairs for a little while and sit with my husband before heading to the kitchen. Sounds simple enough...
Am I alone here? Did I touch a nerve? I'd love to hear your thoughts.
Faithfully His, Patty
HI Patty,
ReplyDeleteI believe this problem is very common. My husband and I often find ourselves chasing different projects and responsibilities until we are like ships passing in the night. In the same house but barely talking! When we realize this is happening we sit down together with a cup of coffee and map out date time together. It is one of the things that has kept our love strong and growing for 31 years! Every Saturday morning we have a standing date for coffee and bagels at the local Panera. It's our time and we often bring notebooks and plan our week (with time together) and talk about our dreams and goals for the month ahead. We have kept "date time" as a priority and we both look forward to it. We also look for cheap movie nights or the occasional dinner out.
I can tell you that making each other a priority pays big dividends in your marriage! The fact that your husband wants more time with you shows how much he loves you:>)
Did you touch a nerve??? Oh yes you did. Thanks so much for your honesty and your willingness to open up on the subject. I get stuck in this "there's always tomorrow" thing in my head. Tomorrow I will take the time to do something special for him. Tomorrow will be a better time to talk to him about something important. What if there was only today? I know what my priorities are supposed to be but since he is so easy going, he's easy to "put on the back burner" while I take care of all the other stuff. Thanks for the reminder!
ReplyDeleteA nerve? Do you have 'spy cameras' in my house girl? Are you really talking about yourself or what happened to me THIS WEEK...I'm wondering what day you went through this since that is EXACTLY what I went through. Of course, not the granchildren (and hopefully not yet..lol)..but two toy poodles..and let's not talk about their 'enthusiasm' when I get home..martyr hat?...hmmmm...I tried to add some 'pearls' to mine so I could walk around with it looking every so 'divine'..yaaa! Doesn't work. sigh.....Funny about your Faith walk today, and my Fearless Friday post for today...I didn't go into details, but read between the lines and you will see that the nerve endings were definitely not dead in this home this week.
ReplyDeleteI thought about this early this morning when I was spending time with the Lord. About the 'pruning' He was doing. That's what I call it when I face these types of situations...It sure hurts, actually at times it can be excruciating.The only thing I keep focusing on is (well when my martyr hat is not blogging my view) is that the Lord is cutting back all the 'dead areas' that is preventing me from being more fruitful, sweet, aromatic in my life...so ya,,I can relate to this post..((hugs)) Blessings dear sister.
OHHHH Patty,
ReplyDeleteI have read, and enjoyed, and related to all three of your faith walk Fri. posts. You have a martyr mask too?? Ain't we somethin'
God has reminded me on several occasions that my husband comes before my children (not his kids) and I have struggled with that for years. It's a sore subject for me.
My husband travels quite bit, and when he gets home it seems as though he expects the red carpet to unroll and life as it's happening should cease. And well, maybe it should. I don't really do much (or anything) to make him feel special. Whooaaa, did I just say that out loud? Now I have to go make a cup of coffee and meditate on that for a while....
Barbara @ ReDesign Interiors
Patty, this is really good.
ReplyDeleteFirst, let me say....I don't have children so I can't advise you there but I do have animals....three demanding ones.
My husband comes first....period and has for 32 years. Making direct and I do mean direct and loving eye contact with him is the first thing I do...then a good hearty hug. Hug like you really mean it...so many people don't do this.
Over the years, I have been teased by many of my friends that I hold Ron way up too high and cater to him...I always have and prayfully, always will. He is my husband...he is right under God in my way of thinking. We don't take each other for granted and anything we do receives a thank you from the other....yes, even after all these years.
I am blessed beyond words to have my husband.....the kindest man I have ever known.
Wonderful and thought provoking post.
Barb
I love this post, my husbands a pastor & as you can imagine church life demands a lot..... of both of us, but we have learned over the years in ministry that for each other 'we' come first, before children, church, friends, others needs.... i hope this doesn't sound selfish, but we've both seen so many marraiges in difficulty because other things & people were put ahead of each other. When you are "one" you are so much healthier & in a better place to be of some benefit to family & friends. Aidan is the best man i know, we are together twenty years & i can honestly say this man has never once hurt me in any way, not even with a word, what a blessing, & its because the only one in his life that is before me is Jesus Christ.
ReplyDeleteThank you for a lovely sweet post
Lots of love Karen x
Patty
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine any marraige that hasn't had to deal with this very problem. Life just gets too busy and we have to stop and reset our priorities.
After almost 40 yrs. of marraige, I know just wht your talkin about!
You're smart to acknowledge it and decide to do something about it!
I agree with Kathleen-get away from the house, just the two of you alone, together. You'll have so much fun!!
What a great post! I think this happens to all of us - we get lost in the day to day. A little appreciation goes a long way. I think asking your daughter to keep the grandchild out of the way for a while is a good idea, so you and hubby can sit for a cup of tea or coffee before he goes to work. Even just a few minutes of quiet time would probably make a difference to his entire night. I know many times I take my hubby for granted - he is such a wonderful man, I really need to do more "little" meaningful things for him. Your post was a good reminder for me.
ReplyDeleteOh boy!! Did you open my eyes about a few things. I had to stop and pray before I could comment. I have been so guilty lately of not making my husband a priority. Since we live in my son's backyard, I am often drawn into activities with the 6 grandkids that live in my front yard.
ReplyDeleteWe too have a great marriage and much in common, the grandkids especially, but he has mentioned at times that he thought he was way down on my list of priorities.
Thanks for this great reminder of where my husbands place in my life should be. I will (have) started today by praying about it and will put my actions into force as soon as my sweet love comes home.
Wonderful Faith Walk Friday, Patty.
Hi Patty, It is so difficult when both spouses are working different shifts. It limits the time together further. I'm not working at present, and as soon as my husband gets home from work, he goes out and sits on the porch swing to unwind...and he wants me there too!
ReplyDeleteGuilty as charged! Mr D and I went thru those times, so busy with other people, things or situations.
ReplyDeleteI am so thankful our love was strong and held tight...49 years together and now it seems we have passed that curve in the road. We really look forward to 'our time'..and try to make life special for each other...
Yes, you did strike a nerve, and I understood as you shared your heart, what you were saying. In fact, I was just talking to my friend on Friday, about this very thing. I said to her, "that I think we should treat our husbands like we would if we were having an affair with them." I know that may sound like a crazy thing to say, but I have seen affairs take place, and as devastating and heartbreaking as they are, the way they treat each other, is like they are both the most important people on the face of this earth. And, that they can't wait to be together. What if we treated our spouses like that? I have a special relationship with my husband, and I am so thankful for our 36 years together,and I know I would love that type of treatment. Just sharing my heart this evening. This is a well written and thought provoking post.
ReplyDeleteI find this pretty much hits home with me as well. I feel the same about my husband and I believe he about me. I do make time for my craft, but I do put my son to bed early (he is almost 12 and had a 8pm bed time) so my hubby and I have some tv/talk time alone before we both go to bed. Our schedules are about to change so I will have to work a new one out that I know will not be as nice.
ReplyDeleteThanks for my well wishes on my move. We are all here safe and sound. :)
Hugs,
Heather