And, after walking this thing out all these years where do you even begin?
I was always taught that if you don't know where to start, start with now...so here goes.
The break down...
on being fifty - I wish I could say my faith at fifty was that of a mature woman of God, never doubting and always ready with a perfectly memorized scripture. But Lord knows that would be a lie. It seems at 50 I still struggle with the same issues I did at ten...being accepted, measuring up, not being a disappointment, basically being the good girl. It takes a lot of effort to keep that image afloat. My head knows that I am saved by grace and not by works, it's just getting my heart on board that's the problem. I just bought grace for the good girl by Emily Freeman, hopefully I'll gain some insight from her writings. I'll let you know next week.
on being married - When I got married being equally yoked was not even a phrase on my radar. I loved Jesus and I knew my husband was raised "going to church' but to be honest, he was a really cute drummer in a band and my 21 year old heart was all a flutter... nuff said. We've made it 28 years the hard way, without Jesus at the center of our relationship. We've developed an understanding of where we both are in our walk and most of the time have agreed to disagree. Bridging this gap is still my hearts desire and deepest prayer.
on having grown children - I have two daughters in their twenties. Most days me and my girls are okay, even pretty tight. In retrospect, I spent so many years trying to make them into the "good girls" of my dreams that I failed to encourage them in theirs. This area of my life has so many different dynamics that I think I'll leave it right here, for today.
on having grandchildren - Ahhhh, this is an easy one. The absolute best thing in the world. In so many ways one of God's greatest gifts to parents is grandchildren but also one of the biggest responsibilities, too. I often think of Timothy's godly grandmother and how she shaped and prepared him to be used by God and I remember that God desires no less of me.
on living where I do - We have lived in five different homes in our 28 years of marriage and this little cottage is by far my favorite. I could be happy here forever. That being said, I am one who has to work at contentment on a daily basis, the proverbial "grass is always greener" girl. God and I are working on things like covetousness and idolatry over this little house.
on being creative - I am forever thankful that God gave me a desire to create beautiful things. I would love to be able to use those gifts to serve Him when I retire from work in a couple of years.
on having dreams - I had hoped that by fifty I would have achieved so much more than I have but I realize that God uses each season of my life to develop me for what is to come. I realize now that my finite dreams do not even come close to His dreams for me. So while I still have things I hope to accomplish, I am fully expectant that he will continue to guide me and direct my path, placing me exactly where I need to be to best be used by Him.
on receiving grace - Oh how I wish I could re-do and un-do areas of my past life. Things I squandered time and money on...things I wish I'd stood up for...things I wish I'd let go of...but I can't. I can only receive God's grace in these areas and move forward, really accepting God's forgiveness and not wasting today on what I can't change about yesterday.
on being blessed - Where do I start for fear of leaving something out? I'll start this week simply with being chosen by God to be his...it all stems from there.
I'll share in a little more detail next week. I'd love to hear your faith walk today...Leave me a comment or a link if you post about it.
Faithfully His, Patty
Patty,
ReplyDeleteWhere to begin? Thanking you, first, for your candidness about your faith walk.
I, too, am in my 50's. Although my struggles are entirely different than yours, I too have them. We never measure up if we look at ourselves through our own eyes, do we? That is why I'm am so thankful for God's grace. Not that I give myself license for not trying harder. But when I'm overwhelmed with my inadequacy, I know it's time for me to let go and just say 'help'.
I think it's the people that think they've 'arrived' that may have more to fear than you, who can recognize your weaknesses and failures and agonize over them.
Anyway, that's one simple womans opinion.
I'm sure others may have more wisdom to impart than myself.
Take care-Kimberly
Walking in faith; the center focus is on believing in Jesus, God, the holy spirit without anything tangible to prove he is real. Faith by hearing and reading the word only gets stronger as we age due to our time here on this earth and witnessing how God has worked in our life. The more I let go of the things of this world and get my focus on the lord the more I feel at ease and comfortable. I let go of the things of this world that society says we all should strive for, its the Americana way, no it should be GOD way first and what he allows us to have. Not long ago I gave it all back to him in my heart and I said the words I often said but in my heart I held back. This time I said I am his lord without reservations in my heart and a feeling of peace came over me like none before. He knows I am his, he may never use me out in the missions field or wherever but he just wanted to hear me say those words without any reservations in my heart. I can encourage others with the words he puts in my mind, and I can help others by the trials he has helped me through.
ReplyDeleteGod created us, he does not create junk, we are special to him and he loves us and desires for us to know him. Love yourself as he loves you and feel accepted by the one that really counts. People come and go but the lord is forever and I have learned to please him first and the rest will falls into place as he sees fit.
God bless and keep you safe.
At 63, I sometimes feel like it's similar to STILL having pimples!
ReplyDeleteIt is no easy journey, this faith walk. And from the texture & tone of your post, I can see you have found the absolute best way possible of navigating it: transparency! Your honesty is refreshing, and such an encouragement to we who continue to wrestle as did Jacob.
The thing that often startles me is that, even though I've overcome or bested many a giant, there's always a new crop of them. At this late date in life I encounter way too much self-pride & self-righteousness in this flesh of my.
Alas, it is more of Him and less of me that is the prescription best suited.
Love you post; and love the heart behind it. That cottage will surely be a place of refuge for those grands!
Blessings,
Kathleen
I'm a couple of years away from 50, but I'm right where you are. I was supposed to travel to Nester's house today for the book release party for Emily's Grace for the Good Girl. I'm not going to make it. It's taking me a long time to read through it. And on what you mentioned about raising your children to be good? Go here: http://canvaschild.blogspot.com/2011/09/guest-post-and-book-giveaway-emily.html Read Nancy's comment. Ouch.
ReplyDeleteHey my sweet, sweet friend! Have I told you lately how much you bless my heart? No?..well shame on me, because you do! I love you dearly! I can relate to you on so many areas that you wrote about....still wanting to be accepted, feeling inadequate..not measuring up. I also have this desire to everything perfect...not just inside, but in my home, marriage, with my kids....and trust me, it's not always that way! lol As you know, I too married a drummer, but I am so humbled and blessed by the fact that he loves God as much as I do. I will agree with you in prayer that yours will have a deep desire for Christ that he can't ignore. :) Oh..and those grandkids..I laughed out loud when you said that was an easy one...You KNOW I know how you feel! I think of you every time I go down to my living room and see the quilt you sent to my sweet grand-daughter. Like I said, you bless my socks off all the time! :)
ReplyDeleteHey, I'm glad you had some bananas just layin' around waiting on a new recipe! It's funny, I posted that on facebook too and a friend of mine said the same thing..she has bananas layin' around too! lol
love you girl
Missy
this was so wonderful. really blesses me to have a perspective from a few years ahead pf me. from a non family member;)
ReplyDeletemy mama and i are fairly close now, but we hated each other until about six years ago, or so. i have forgiven her for things, but there is much to repair there. so thankful for the lord and his restoring hand in our relationship.
i am striving to be an encouragement to my child-and hopefully future children-it is so crucial!!
cant wait to hear how you like that book!
xo
This is such an inspiring post Patty. I see myself in so many of your comments. I may borrow a few to reflect upon further. Thanks for posting these thoughts.
ReplyDeletePatty, your words resonate with me so deeply. I too am in my early 50's, 2 daughters in their 20's, I am fortunate in being equally yoked but otherwise your story is mine. I look forward to your review of Emily's book, I have been very curious about it.
ReplyDeleteI am following now to see what else we may have in common I am thinking we share a lot:)
You hit a never, actually several.
ReplyDeleteI thought I was the ONLY one who had trouble with their faith walk!
Not really, I know that we all have troubles at some point but I seem to keep hitting a road block. The skirting around it. Only to run into it again and again.
Thank you for expressing your thoughts so brilliantly.
Hi Patty~
ReplyDeleteI so much appreciate what you wrote here, and for your honesty. Even though I am still in my thirties, I can identify with so much of what you are saying here on having dreams and on receiving grace. I often struggle with the feeling that I am not as far with those dreams as I thought I would be. I really liked what you said regarding this, and am feeling that, as a Christian, my view of this has been all wrong. I'm thinking that during the different seasons of our lives, the Lord is not only preparing us for the next season, but also for eternity with Him...
Please do let us know what you think of the book by Emily Freeman. It sounds like such a good book!
Thank you again for sharing your heart! It was good to hear it.
Blessings and hugs,
Jenni
Patty, I loved reading this! I love seeing your heart. I am in my forties and became a believer when I was 21. It has certainly been a journey, one which I am incredibly grateful for...that the Lord plucked from the mire and muck that I was living in! Grace and Trust are the biggest lessons I have learned. Grace shown to others as Jesus Christ has shown to me and Trust in our God, maker of the universe who knows infinitely more than I do! Hugs on this Sunday! Christie at Three Pixie Lane
ReplyDeleteWhat a blessing to read your post! I am new to this blogging thing, and have been inspired by so many women, you included. I would have thought you wrote this post for me. I am 51, married unequally yoked, and have two daughters 22 & 15.
ReplyDeleteEveryday brings new obstacles and joy. Thankfully, God's grace is renewed every morning....phew.
Check out my first post www.redesign-interiors.blogspot.com
THANK YOU!!! Your honesty makes me wish you were my next door neighbor and we were great friends. Trust Him and Be Blessed!!
ReplyDeleteDana
Hello, I was blog hopping and came here through Camp and Cottage Living. I turned 50 last month and sent my only son off to his first year of college. I'm walking with Jesus through a new period in life and feeling a bit blind at the moment but holding on tightly to His hand. Blessings to you.
ReplyDeleteOh I wondered what your name was. Lemon Lane Cottage didn't seem quite right for a sweet gal like you. Great name for a blog!
ReplyDeleteI've enjoyed visiting with you today and have nodded my head in agreement and understanding. Dare I recommend a book to you when we are such new acquaintances? It's called Classic Christianity by Bob George. It made such a difference for me a gal raised in the church, one who attended a Christian university, taught in Christian school, etc., etc., etc.
Now I'm off to do some more snooping around here. Thank you for your visit and feel free to drop by anytime!
Just came here this morning to share that I read this last night and thanked God for your message. It was like reading my own thoughts and meditations...((hugs)) God KNEW I needed this and I thank God for His leading me and hearing my heart's cry yesterday..Blessings.
ReplyDeleteI have just come to your blog for the first time via Corners of My Life. I have enjoyed reading your post and the comments from other bloggers. I am 54 and I know that through all the stages of our lives we come up against new challenges and also receive new blessings, and yes it is by the grace of God and the power of the Holy Spirit that we can address these challenges and also receive God's blessings. I have four grown children, three of them married and five beautiful grandchildren, two of them being African orphans adopted by my daughter and her husband....I totally agree with you on the grandchildren comment!!!! Thank you for your openness and desire to share what God is doing in your 50 something life...you are right the challenges are different than when we were 30 something. God is good and will guide us through every stage of our lives.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad that I followed a link to your post. I'm nearly through my fifties and could have written much the same as you. I think in making a conscious effort with your Faith Walk(s) you will find that the struggles take on a different shape and that peace will come. All the while, you are living your faith and your search and your loved ones are watching.
ReplyDeleteI found your blog at the right time. I am in the process of getting rid of all the clutter of the past. I'm bushed, but I have a more relaxed feeling with every bit of junk that goes out the door. Not that I am giving junk away, I mean paper clutter that does not need to be kept until it is yellow.
ReplyDeleteI'll return and read you posts about faith in a few days.
I like your writing !
Connie ~